Butter
by TallerThanThou ShorterThanThou
Summary: The world of Konoha is in ruins. And no, it's not Orochimaru. It's...a misinterpretation of the word...BUTTER!


It was a normal, violent, day in Konoha. Random people got back from totally random missions, including a weird looking fox-cat thing that had whiskers. If it was possible for a human that looked like a fox-cat thing to have whiskers. If there was a weird fox-cat thing to begin with. Anyways, the weird looking fox-cat thing headed into a ramen shop (and here, Pie goes crazy and tries to kill the fox-cat thing). He looked briefly over the menu and muttered something about the confusing kanji. Since he really sucked at reading kanji, he leaned over and asked a random waitress what the daily special was.

"Lobster," she said. Naruto knew that lobster wasn't ramen but he decided it was worth a try. He plopped himself down by Hinata and started eating. It wasn't even two seconds before he started whining.

"How can you stand lobster, Hinata-Chan? It's so bland!" he whined pitifully to the heiress, who was also eating lobster. Hinata blushed.

"Y-you can tr-y it with some of my but-ter," she whispered. But Naruto had received a nasty blow to his right ear and had trouble hearing. Added to Hinata's stutter and whisper, he really had no clue what she said. So his mind filled in the blanks for him and translated it to 'you can bite it with some of my butt'. A few years of hanging around Jiraiya hadn't helped Naruto in the pervert compartment. A few seconds passed and suddenly, Naruto's nose exploded. Just then, Gaara happened to walk in.

Gaara had had a really bad day. Some random Mary-Sue chick asked him out and kept pestering him, so he used Desert Coffin on her. Then he got yelled at by the Elders for it. Temari congratulated him, and Kankuro mourned the loss of a hot chick. Loudly. So when Naruto's blood splattered on his 100000 yen suit, he lost control. Owing Naruto for saving him from the badger thing be screwed. He let his mom loose and the whole place was wrecked. Then, at precisely that moment, Neji walked in. Hinata waved weakly to him. Neji surveyed the area. His wrathful gaze landed on Naruto. Silently, he fumed. So this was how the bastard repaid him for saving his ass a million times-by harming the precious Hinata-Hime-Sama. With a loud battle cry, he charged at Naruto.

Naruto didn't really want to be killed, so he tried to defend himself with Rasengan. And he failed miserably. Neji attacked and cut off Naruto's Chakra flow, which then caused the Rasengan to crash into an apartment. The apartment blew up. By this time, Tsunade had been informed.

Tsunade was having a nice day. Naruto hadn't done anything unusually stupid, Kakashi had actually been on time, and Sakura showed potential to someday surpass her. All in all, she was feeling the effects of being such a good Sensei. Then, a random ANBU informed her that the entire south section had collapsed. Fearing an attack from Orochimaru, Tsunade hurried to the aforementioned place, not even waiting for backup. It turned out that there were a few dozen spectators, and one of them filled her in. She seized Naruto by the ear and dragged him by the ear on the bumpiest road she could find. Then she told Sakura that Naruto was cheating on her. Sakura beat Naruto up and in the process, recreated the Grand Canyon in the middle of Konoha. Tsunade almost had a heart attack at the sight. Screw betting her life. She sucked at gambling.

A few days later, she went missing. Then Orochimaru attacked. But since there was no one there that could heal his arms, he left. On his way, he set off Kakashi's booby trap. Kakashi turned up with the Sharingan activated and chocked Orochimaru to death because he thought that Orochimaru was trying to steal his Icha Icha books. Even after Orochimaru was dead, Kakashi was still angry someone had the guts to steal his precious books. So he wrecked the forest.

A week later, Tsunade returned, good mood fully restored and ready for anything. Except what awaited her. The whole city of Konoha was in ashes, and Naruto stood there sheepishly. The Grand Canyon cut magnificently through the middle.

"GYEKL;AKDIEKDIEODJKFIO!" Tsunade shouted. Without warning, she ate Naruto and went to Suna. Then she destroyed Suna.

The End

Omake:

Pie: Was that really necessary, Demon-Pixie?

Demon-Pixie: What? Didn't I do a good job?

Pie: There's a reason why I write the stories, you know. *scowls*

Demon-Pixie: Hn.

Naruto: *eating ramen* You have to admit I did a good job. BELIEVE IT! *hands back script*

Pie: *too busy plotting how to get the ramen to realize he spoke in Caps Lock*

Suddenly, Naruto was attacked by a bunch of daggers, forcing him to leave the ramen behind. Pie picked it up, carefully removed all of Naruto's spit, and then ate it.


End file.
